The Costs of Over- and Under-Functioning

When we over-function, we take on and do too much. Too much responsibility, too much work, too much accountability. Sometimes we over-function because we think we need to pick up the slack. Sometimes we do it because we won’t say no. Sometimes we do it because we don’t trust others to follow through. Whatever the reason, the symptoms and costs of over-functioning include things like overwhelm and burnout, feeling like a martyr, thinking that everything is on our shoulders and that the world will fall apart without us, worrying if we’ll get blamed if something goes wrong, and much more. If you find yourself doing too much (or thinking that others aren’t doing enough), you’re probably over-functioning.

As expected, under-functioning means doing the minimum, or even less than the minimum. We leave things to others to handle, avoid taking risks, procrastinate, do just enough to get by, distract ourselves, or check out. Under-functioning can be a symptom of apathy, lack of feeling challenged or engaged, suppressed frustration, sense of overwhelm, or fear of failure. If you find yourself avoiding work, going through the motions, or doing as little as possible to get by, you’re probably under-functioning.

Both polarities create an imbalance that results in ineffective functioning for the individual. Stress rises, results suffer, and people generally become unhappy and dissatisfied with their work. In some cases, people experience mental or physical ailments. Family life may suffer. Although there might be some short-term benefits, in the long-term the behaviors become unsustainable and people end up leaving their jobs, whether by their or their employer’s choice.

The costs to teams are also significant. When you have over- and under-functioning on a team, over-functioners are likely to micromanage, dictate, blame, and become resentful. Under-functioners are likely to withdraw, avoid, resist, and sabotage. A dance of conflict ensues in which the players become unhappy and unfulfilled.

Finding Balance on the Spectrum

Fortunately, it is possible to change the dance. Although it can require getting out of our comfort zone (over- and under-functioning are often deep-rooted and can even go back to early family dynamics), with focused effort and intention we can find balance.

As mentioned in my post on Spectrum Mapping, the first step is identifying where you are on the spectrum. From there, name the behaviors behind your placement. This gives you a clear sense of where you are now.

Then, identify where you’d like to be. Identify the behaviors that would represent this new place. In this place, what would you be doing? Thinking? Feeling?

Once identified, begin to explore actions to bridge the gap. What would you need to change? What behaviors could you adopt? What must you acknowledge? Then, take action accordingly.

A New Dance

As you shift your own behavior and place on the Spectrum of Functioning, the dance will change. It’s less important what others do; it’s more important what you do. Your changes will naturally begin to change the dance for everyone involved. Although it can take time to see the results, they will come if you persist.

Because our roles as under- or over-functioners can be so deeply ingrained, it can be hard to know what to do differently. Following are some suggestions for consideration to shift your place on the spectrum.

Over-functioning:

• Delegate
• Hold others accountable
• Coach and mentor others
• Say no
• Make time for yourself
• Take responsibility for your results, not the collective results

Under-functioning:

• Ask for what you need
• Set goals
• Take risks
• Give feedback
• Notice what others are experiencing
• Be vulnerable

Because firing people is uncomfortable on many levels, it can get messy. Legal constraints on what information can be shared with the team, the absence of details might cause the team might feel confused, angry, or blame the manager or the organization. The team might also feel the loss and not know how to process it, especially if leadership wants to gloss over it. If there are multiple firings in a short amount of time, it can create a culture of fear in which everyone walks on eggshells and wonders if they might be next. When psychological safety is threatened, it can have serious impacts on morale, productivity, and trust. Therefore, it’s important to address the issues head-on instead of shutting people down or avoiding conversations.

If you are a manager in this situation, the following are some things to consider to preserve psychological safety amongst your team:

1. Be mindful of what you say.
   There are varying opinions around what can legally be shared with others in the organization, but the general rule of thumb is to not say anything about why the person was let go. In addition to legal concerns, this is important to protect the person’s privacy while also modeling how things would be handled if another team member was fired. If they see you handle the situation poorly, they might wonder if you’d do the same to them in a similar situation.
2. Handle your stuff.
   Process your own fears, feelings, or anything else that might interfere with your ability to hold space for constructive engagement. If you are uncomfortable with conflict (as most of us are), prepare yourself for having difficult conversations. Model how to be present and engage instead of shying away or shutting things down. Strong leadership can bring calm, stability, and trust that will not only help the team move forward but also grow in the process. If you have had challenges with these conversations in the past or anticipate that you might have challenges, start working on these skills now instead of waiting for the situation to arise.
3. Read the team.
   The culture, size of the team, relationships, and other factors can determine how to handle the situation. In some cases, all the team needs to know in order to move on is that the person is no longer with the company. In others, the team might have concerns, emotions, or uncertainty around how to move forward. Instead of jumping to action, pause to observe and listen to what’s being said, along with your knowledge of the team, in order to determine what would help the team move forward.
4. Lean in.
   Instead of pretending not to notice the team’s reaction, avoiding engagement, or pushing the team to talk, engage based on where the team is at. Although there’s no need to have long, drawn-out conversations, get to the heart of the matter quickly by using powerful questions such as:
   • What’s hard for you about this?
   • What are your concerns?
   • What do you need from me? From each other?
   • How would you knowing more about the situation help you? (use this question if people ask for more details to get the root of what they really need)

   These questions can surface underlying fears, concerns, and needs. Ask follow-up questions to dig deeper. Focus on what the team needs rather than making it about the person who left. As much as possible, hold space to support the team instead of siding with or diminishing them.

5. Remain open and available.
   In order to move past their discomfort, managers might take a one-and-done approach and assume that one conversation is enough. However, this is rarely the case. Although there’s no need to force the issue, remain receptive and observant. Notice if the team or individuals seem impacted and follow up if you sense that things are off. If people continue to bring forth concerns, continue to lean in and discuss them. Whether it’s a few hours or a few months later, demonstrate that you are there for whatever the team needs. If concerns persist, it’s likely that you haven’t yet gotten to the root of what’s impacting them or what they really need. If so, continue to listen and ask questions to find out what’s really going on instead of trying to tell them that there’s nothing to worry about.

If They’d Just Do It My Way!

When working with our opposites, it can be easy to focus on the negatives and get frustrated with each other. Sometimes we’re frustrated because they’re not taking on enough of our load. Other times they aren’t focusing on the things we think they should be focusing on. And, we might just be flat-out annoyed because they don’t do things the way that we do them.

Consider some common opposite work styles:

• Big-picture vs. detail-oriented
• Fast-paced vs. methodical
• Process-driven vs. outcome-driven
• People-focused vs. process-focused
• Logical vs. emotional

We’ve all probably had to work with our opposites throughout our lives. Unfortunately, we sometimes end up getting frustrated by our differences instead of finding ways to complement them. These missed opportunities result in wasted time, power struggles, and a lack of focus. Alternatively, if harnessed, they could be leveraged to create even more powerful results compared to working with people who are just like us.

Aligning Opposites

When opposites align, our collective capacity increases. Picture two halves of a circle. Halves that are identical overlap and only form a half-circle. Yet, halves that are opposite complete a whole circle. They offer much more because they’re bringing two completely different things to the table. Now put this in the context of a team and how many types of opposites are likely working together. Yikes!

Now, imagine two detail-oriented people working together compared to a detail-oriented and a big-picture person working together. The former might feel more familiar and comfortable, but it limits possibilities and potential. The latter, however, doubles your skillsets even if it might be more outside of your comfort zone. Together, it has the potential to create something greater than the whole.

To begin to tap into this potential when working with your opposite (or opposites when on a larger team), practice the following strategies:

1. Notice your differences and name them, both to yourself and your opposite. This helps make it easier to recognize and talk about them.
2. Recognize the value in your opposite. What can they do that you can’t? What’s easy for them that’s hard for you? What do they bring that adds more value compared to what you could do on your own (or with people who are only like you)?
3. Leverage your styles. Make a plan for how you can work effectively together while focusing your energy on your strengths. If you’re detail-oriented and your opposite is big-picture and you are working on a project together, have them focus more on the goals and objectives while you focus more on putting together the plan to get there. Get creative around how both of you can contribute towards the bigger goal.
4. Make light of your differences. Finding humor in your styles, such as by giving names to your opposite styles or outing yourself when you are getting too caught up in your style, can reduce the tension. Look for ways to appreciate your differences instead of anyone’s style being right/wrong or good/bad. This also helps to not take your differences too seriously.
5. Serve each other. Much like my teasing in the previous strategy can be a way to serve the other person to find balance, so can finding ways to contribute in ways that they can’t. For example, if you’re people-focused and they’re process-focused, offer to step in more to handle customer meetings, networking, and getting buy-in. Support them to do what they do best instead of expecting them to handle those types of situations. Connecting back to #3, make this part of an intentional plan between both of you instead of making assumptions or overstepping your bounds.

On a larger scale, these polarities can show up in systemic issues individualism vs. collectivism, liberal vs. conservative, or people vs. profit. I recommend checking out Barry Johnson’s work around Polarity Management for ways to navigate these types of polarities both in your organization and within your collective team.

While there are many change models such as ADKAR, Kotter’s model, and McKinsey’s 7-S Framework, it can be easy to get so focused on the model that we overlook the fundamental key to change: people. Even then, we can overlook a fundamental key to helping people change: relationships.

Consider a change you’ve made or been part of. Perhaps it was learning a new piece of software, getting a new boss, or following a new rule. Next, think of the people who either mandated the change or helped you implement or adapt to it. Were they people who you trusted, respected, and made you feel cared for? Or, the opposite? Chances are that the change was easier to embrace if you viewed the people behind the change positively and had good relationships with them.

Good relationships are crucial to making change successful. If we believe someone has our best interest at heart, if they genuinely want to see us succeed, and if they know and treat us as a person instead of an object, we’re much more likely to want to change.

I recently met with a work team located in another country that faced resistance for years in trying to implement new programs. It didn’t matter to the recipients how great their programs were, what data they could provide to demonstrate their effectiveness, or how smart the team was. What made the difference was the team making the effort to build relationships, understand their culture, and demonstrate genuine care. Through their continued efforts to build relationships they developed trust, and this trust led to recipients embracing the team’s ideas, programs, and recommendations. It opened a window that would have otherwise remained closed and resulted in both parties working together on opposite sides of the glass.

On the contrary, I also recently witnessed a professional, multi-million dollar consulting firm try to implement process changes on behalf of senior leadership. Their approach was to make some quick assessments, tell people what they should do differently, and implement a “thou-shalt” approach. This approach was mirrored by senior leadership, who just made a few token appearances during implementation. As you might assume, the recipients felt objectified and resisted the change. All they had to do was nod and wait it out for things to return back to normal.

Building relationships takes time, and there is no shortcut. It also has to be genuine and without agenda. For example, waiting until you need something from someone before getting to know them will likely backfire. Instead, we can start getting to know the people who work with, for, and above us. For senior leaders, this means getting out of the office and visiting employees. For managers, it’s things like building coalitions with other managers. For individual contributors, it’s asking leaders for things like informational interviews.

That said, building relationships doesn’t need to involve hours of bearing one’s soul or being best friends with everyone. Learning and using people’s names, smiling when passing people in the hall, asking people for their ideas and recommendations, or a genuine “how are you doing?” can go a long way. And, things like asking questions and listening are always helpful. Then, when it comes time to change, we’re much more likely to say “yes.”

In exploring ways to build relationships that support change, consider the following questions:

• When you reflect on times when you’ve wanted others to change, how did the quality of your relationship affect the outcome?
• What gets in the way of you building relationships with people at work?
• What kinds of change are you wanting to implement, and how can you leverage your relationships to support that change?
• What are some approaches you can use to increase trust and connection with other people, both professionally and personally?

If I’ve learned anything from my training experience, it’s this: I no longer believe in training as we know it.

The Trouble With Training

I love being a trainer. Every aspect, from designing the curriculum to teaching new concepts to helping students overcome obstacles, is gratifying for me. A day of training seems to go by in an hour. And yet, despite my love of training and the impact I’ve seen it have on students, I see many flaws with traditional training. The potential of training to make a significant impact has been reduced to a generic solution for just about any problem. Having interpersonal issues in your organization? Do a training. Need to address diversity? Do a training. Noticing leadership gaps? Do a training. Ad nauseum …

It’s not that training per se is the problem. What is the problem is a) training is used a quick-fix stopgap for underlying problems, b) most training is based on outdated models, and c) most training is generic and doesn’t address individual needs.

To go further, let’s look at elements of a typical training session:

• Held outside of the normal work environment, which yields results that are less integrated into the daily culture and environment
• Likely at least a couple of hours. Most people’s attention and ability to store information times out after about an hour. We only have the capacity to learn one or two things at one time, and need practice to actually do them well.
• Covers a variety of sub-topics. When I look at training I’ve attended and follow-up with participants from training, most people only use one or two things they were taught.
• Rooted in theory. Training covers principles, tools, and techniques, with minimal direct application.
• Emphasizes mental and intellectual stimulation. Training typically doesn’t include physical and emotional elements. This makes it harder to apply and integrate learning.
• Little to no follow-up. Most training has no follow-up or integration afterward. People return to their normal environment and quickly default to old patterns of behavior.
• Little to no systemic support. Pockets of individuals attend training, and when they return to work the principles are seldom practiced or supported by peers, leaders, or the organization as a whole.
• No tie-in to larger needs or objectives. Training typically makes people adapt to content instead of adapting content to people. This core reasons for the training aren’t relevant to its initial needs or serve its purpose.

Some of these points aren’t necessarily bad. For example, taking time to train outside of the work environment so as to eliminate distractions or introducing theory and principles has its place. However, when training includes at least three of the elements listed above, as it typically does, it becomes more of a hindrance than a help.

The Impact of Traditional Training

Unfortunately, the impact of training can and often has become quite negative. In my years of training, some of these include:

• Cynicism about doing “another training”
• Being taken away from work and needing to catch up afterward
• A lack of “bang for the buck” given the amount of time spent compared to the amount of return for that time
• Active resistance to what is being taught, especially if there’s a perceived hidden agenda, that trickles back into the culture
• Lack of faith in the ability of training to make a difference

Over time, training becomes something to dread rather than look forward to. Employees go through the motions, get their certificates, and then? Not much. A lot of time and money is invested with minimal return to show for it.

Re-Imagining Training

To make training effective, it’s important to identify its strengths and align them with what people need to get the most from it. If we look at what we need to best learn, we can adapt training to people instead of the other way around. Consider some basic principles:

• We can only typically learn, apply, and master one or two new ideas, concepts, or tools at one time
• To put those ideas, concepts, or tools into practice, we need sufficient time to practice using them
• We typically lose attention and/or reach capacity after an hour, at most
• Applying what we learn in our native environment provides context for application
• One of the most significant factors in sustaining change is the people with whom we surround ourselves
• The more senses we use, the easier it is to learn and retain information
• Using tools to suit our purpose instead of adapting our purpose to the tool provides practical applications that meet our needs for using the tools in the first place

Incorporating these principles means thinking outside the box and significantly altering how we approach training. In order to do this, we have to be willing to shed the old models and let go of what we know. If we apply the basic principles above, some elements for successful training would then include:

• Short, lasting no more than one hour
• Delivered in or as close to people’s regular work environment as possible
• Attending with existing teams or working groups
• Ongoing practice afterward with those same people
• Delivered in stages
• Content that people can apply to their personal situations
• Incorporating mental, physical, and emotional elements
• Clear purpose and objectives defined by the organization that is integrated into the curriculum

A Case Study in Re-Imagined Training

Recently, my colleagues and I decided to put these concepts into practice. We developed training (or a workshop, as we call it) to build skills in a couple of areas: effective meetings and professional 1:1 conversations. Not surprisingly, the results have been quite different. To align with the principle above, the workshops include:

• Conversations around personal experiences related to the topic
• Personal identification of strengths and weaknesses around the topic
• A simple model that participants use for self-reflection and point of reference
• Activities that elicit group discussion, debate, and alternative perspectives and experiences while providing new insights and approaches to the topic
• Two one-hour sessions held one week apart, with homework in between to test learning and report back
• Emphasis on only one or two self-identified actions to take in between sessions
• Held in participants’ work areas instead of classrooms, including normal meeting spaces and/or board rooms
• Approximately a 20/80 ratio of facilitator speaking to participant speaking

The results have been quite astounding, especially compared to the results I’ve seen in traditional training. Some things we’ve seen and heard from participants include:

• The hour goes by in no time and they can’t believe it’s already over (and they want more)
• Immediate and sustained application of content
• Quick results that reinforce participants continuing to use what they learned
• Group accountability around implementing solutions
• Leaving the workshop more energized and inspired instead of drained
• Content directly relates to their personal situation and needs (and leverages personal experience to bolster content)
• More engagement and learning from one another

Making Training Work For You (and Your Organization)

This is just a start towards a new paradigm of training. There are plenty of ways to make training concise, practical, and sustained. The key is to think about what people need and how to most effectively meet those needs. It may take some creativity and a willingness to try something new, but there are countless options. To take that next step, consider the following questions:

• When you think about training you’ve attended, how much did you use of what was taught (and still use today) compared to how much you didn’t? Of the things you do use, how could the training have centered around those tools or concepts?
• What problems is training trying to solve? How could those specific problems be directly addressed in the training (or even in other ways)?
• What activities do you find most engaging in training?
• How could your team and/or organization reinforce, practice, and apply takeaways from training?
• What would people want to learn from training, and how can the training be developed to provide that learning?

Although some workplaces have employee recognition programs and rewards for successes, few manage to make people feel truly seen. Typically, a few employees are recognized while the majority aren’t. Even those who are recognized are more rewarded for what they do, not who they are.

This narrative is infused throughout the majority of organizations I’ve worked with. Employees are expected to perform, produce, and achieve. Although these expectations are reasonable within a work environment, the problem is that they take precedence over recognizing the humanity in each person. Employees become objectified and part of a machine. People’s gifts, feelings, strengths, and experiences are minimized or ignored altogether. Employees feel like numbers, cogs in the wheel, expendable pawns who are supposed to sacrifice who they are for the benefit of the organization.

Again, my point is not that organizations shouldn’t expect results or performance. My point is that they shouldn’t come at the expense of their people’s humanity. And, ironically, when people’s humanity is recognized, they will be more likely to produce results and perform at a higher level.

The participants in my coaching groups have this experience when doing the above activity. Many have never had anyone tell them what their strengths are, including their colleagues who work with them every day, sometimes over a period of years. Although these exchanges might be part of a performance review with a manager, most performance reviews are exactly about that – performance. Managers will praise accomplishments, outcomes, and products. Few recognize the unique strengths that each person offers.

Participants in these groups also share how awkward and uncomfortable it can be to hear their colleagues acknowledge their strengths. They’re used to hearing criticism or how they can improve. Noticing this discrepancy is often eye-opening for them, and comes with a degree of sadness at how focusing on the negative is actually more comfortable than being acknowledged for the positive. However, their gratitude and the impact on their self-esteem ultimately outweighs their discomfort. Many come away feeling a level of fulfillment that they rarely experience in the workplace. They then leave with palpable energy that they bring back to their work.

Even more ironic is how adults spend one-third of their lives at work but almost never make the time for these conversations. Think about how many hours each week, each month, each year we bear witness to the people around us but don’t take the time to acknowledge them. We witness their growth, their struggles, their successes, their breakthroughs, their triumphs, and their failures but rarely reflect what we see in them. Instead, we act like they are invisible, that who they are doesn’t matter, that their value is solely in what they can do for us or how successful they make us look. We go through the motions, without taking time to truly connect and appreciate one another.

Instead, we have the opportunity to bear witness to our co-worker’s humanity. We can share what we see, what we appreciate, and how they impact us. Many clients, after doing this activity, recognize how they seldom, if ever, do this for their people. After experiencing the power of being witnessed, and having the opportunity to witness their colleagues, they see the potential in making these conversations part of the “new normal.” And, when they do start having these conversations, notice how the effects begin to ripple throughout their organization. For those who might be skeptical or wonder if this “soft, touchy-feely” stuff would actually work in your organization, the answer is yes. Whether it’s in a non-profit, government, or military-industrial organization, I’ve seen the impact and success first-hand.

We all have this opportunity. You likely see the strengths of the people around you. The difference comes when you move from seeing to sharing. Doing so takes minimal effort but provides maximum reward. We all have strengths – even the co-workers I’ve felt the most challenged by have strengths. Talking about them lets in a ray of light that can open the door to new possibilities.

That is the invitation: to take a moment to acknowledge the people you work and see almost every day. To affirm the humanity in each person. To not pretend that, just because you’re at work, your humanity should be checked at the door. This is how we begin to revolutionize leadership – by daring to create the “new normal” that we’d like to experience.

Why You’re Not Getting the Results You Want

Before getting to what you can do to get results, let’s look at what many leaders typically do when they’re not getting results. Some of the more common leader behaviors include:

• Micromanaging and telling the person how to get the result and/or do their job
• Making the same points over and over again, thinking that if they say them enough times (or using different variations), that the person will eventually understand
• Giving poor instructions
• Being too vague about what they want
• Not being available for support or follow-through
• Blaming, shaming, or punishing

I’ve yet to see any of these approaches work, especially in the long-term. Ironically, however, it doesn’t seem to stop leaders from continuing to use some variation or combination of them. Do any of them sound or feel familiar to you? Before continuing, ask yourself which ones you are likely doing when you’re not getting the results you want.

What these approaches mostly boil down to is this: leaders confuse the “what” with the “how” when going after a result.

The “What” vs. the “How”

The “what” is the outcome or result you’re looking for. It could be a finished product, plan, report, or idea. There is typically only one clear “what.”

The “how” is the means for achieving the “what.” It could be anything from research to a series of actions to having conversations. For any given “what,” there are countless “hows.”

The mistake leaders make is that they focus a lot on the “how” with their people and very little on the “what” for themselves. Sometimes, they’re off to the races before they even really know what the “what” is, or if it’s even the right “what.”

The secret lies in reversing the two: focusing a lot on the “what” and very little on the “how.”

Let’s explore.

Defining the “What”

To give yourself and your people the best chance of success, you first have to know and communicate the “what.” This starts with defining a result in the form of a SMART goal, then adding more detail as appropriate.

This is harder than most people think. Often, leaders will present their “what” in ways like:

• “I need you to prepare a briefing on the status of the project.”
• “We are looking for ways to increase revenue over the next quarter.”
• “You need to come up with a goal for your team that aligns with the company’s mission.”

All of the above “what’s” are vague and open-ended. They don’t paint a picture of the actual result you’re looking for. This makes the target very hard to reach. It’s no wonder that your people would keep missing the mark because there is no real mark.

Unfortunately, the deeper problem isn’t that leaders can’t articulate the “what,” often because they aren’t clear themselves on what the “what” actually is. So, before even starting to engage your people in going after a result, it’s crucial for you to get very clear on the “what,” make it into a SMART goal, and then add as much detail as possible to that anyone could easily understand the result. Even better, write it down and ask people to state the “what” in their own words to confirm understanding, or adjust as needed.

Creating the “How”

After you have put it in the effort to come up with a clear “what,” the next step is sharing it with your people. Unfortunately, what happens next is that leaders botch the “how.” They either micromanage, aren’t available for support, or critique the person or their actions. Ultimately, they don’t give the other person ownership of the “how.”

This is where the rest of the secret comes into play: After you communicate the “what,” let your people own the “how.”

Giving ownership doesn’t mean that you go away and let them sink or swim. It means that you engage appropriately based on your people’s needs using situational leadership. From there, use these critical elements to let your people own the “how”:

1. Accountability: create a rhythm of accountability to check-in, gauge and review progress, and course-correct. Don’t wait until it’s too late to check-in and discover the team is way off base. Again, course-correcting doesn’t mean getting into the “how” – it means restating the “what” and pointing out discrepancies between where they’re at and where you want them to be. Then, let them own the process for making the necessary adjustments
2. Coaching: ask questions and provide feedback to help your people develop their “how.” Simple questions like, “What are your next steps?”, “Where are you stuck?”, and “What approaches do you think are best?” get them thinking about critical elements without you needing to give them your own solutions.
3. Support: find out what they need from you along the way. Be as available and accessible as they need you to be (when in doubt, ask them).

I once coached a leader who actually had a good “what.” His team, however, wasn’t getting the right result. The leader’s approach was to keep restating the “what,” which, after several weeks, wasn’t making any difference except that everyone was becoming frustrated.

In this case, the “what” wasn’t the problem. The problem was that they needed more help around owning the “how.” This is especially true in organizational cultures with a very top-down approach because people are used to being told what to do instead of owning the solutions. In this case, they needed more help with learning how to own the “how” in the form of more open dialogue, mentoring, and bouncing around ideas. Unfortunately, the leader wasn’t skilled in these approaches, which is why he kept resorting to the only tool he knew.

With coaching, the leader began to learn these skills and use them with his team. He made time for more in-depth conversations to find out why they were struggling, provide more detail around the result, and ask some questions to help bridge the gap. Almost instantly, things began to click for the team and they quickly discovered the way forward.

Mastering the “What” and the “How”

Letting go of the “how” can be hard, especially when others take a different approach than you. Again, ultimately it’s the result that matters, not how you get there. If you want your people to succeed, if you want them engaged, and if you want them bought-in, letting them own the “how” while you own the “what” will give you the best chance of getting the results you want.

Common Reasons Why People Don’t Speak Up

As I mentioned, there are no one-size-fits-all answers to why people don’t engage. However, based on my experience working with countless teams and feedback I hear from colleagues, peers, and stakeholders, here are some common reasons:

• Not Listening
  Some leaders just flat-out don’t listen. Literally. They’re on their phones, tuned out, distracted, or not hearing anything that’s being said. When people don’t think you’re listening, they don’t think it’s worth speaking.
• Shutting People Down
  Arguing, dismissing, judging, belittling, and criticizing are some ways that leaders shut people down. This could look like telling someone they’re making too big a big deal out of an issue, saying that someone’s idea is stupid or mocking it, or not acknowledging someone’s comment and quickly moving on.
• Paying Lip Service
  Some leaders attend lots of training and know all the “right” ways to act, but can fall into the habit of going through the motions. They might nod, paraphrase, and praise, but it can come off as insincere and manipulative. On some occasions, leaders will use these techniques to convince people that they care when they really don’t. Leaders don’t think people will notice, but they pretty much always see right through it.
• Not Taking Action
  There are many times when leaders will ask for feedback and ideas but don’t follow through with them. The feedback either goes into the ethers, isn’t acknowledged, or implemented. Or, leaders will ask for ideas and then just go with their own. People then wonder why they were asked in the first place.

The Underlying Reason Behind Why People Don’t Speak Up

The thread that runs through the above reasons is a lack of trust in leadership. People don’t trust that they are heard, that they matter, that there won’t be negative consequences for speaking up, that they’re supported, or that leaders sincerely care.

Over time, people shut down. They don’t see any value in sharing or speaking up. If you find yourself facing this situation, chances are high that you exhibit some form of the above behaviors and probably don’t realize it. You’ve most likely somehow broken trust. As a litmus test, the degree of which people don’t engage is often proportionate to how much they do or don’t trust you.

Getting People to Speak Up

Trust is easy to break, but hard to fix. There are no silver bullets. It will take consistent effort over time for people to feel safe enough to share. It is possible, so long as you are committed to looking at yourself and changing your behaviors instead of trying to change everyone else’s. Here are some ways you can rebuild trust and encourage people to speak up:

• Fearlessly Self-Reflect: Using the above behaviors as a reference, notice which ones may be true for you. Perhaps you are enacting them in more subtle ways. Or, maybe there are other ways you don’t realize you’re behaving. Regardless, ask yourself what you might be doing that contributes to people not speaking up and be willing to look at yourself.
• Take Ownership: When you do notice your behaviors, own up to them. Acknowledge them both to yourself and others, and commit to doing something about them. Publicly naming your behavior and what you intend to do about it can be powerful and create immediate changes in the group. It also gives people context for your changes so they don’t wonder what you’re up to.
• Demonstrate Your Commitment: It’s one thing to say you’re going to change; it’s another to actually change. Create a plan to change your behavior and follow-through with it. One of the most damaging things you can do is say you’ll do things differently and then fall back on old habits. This hurts your credibility and makes it less likely that people will trust you the next time you say you’ll do something.

Possible problem? Not everyone is like you.

Recognizing our differences

Many organizations talk about diversity, but the talk often only literally goes skin deep (more about this in a future post). Diversity, however, is about more than just physical attributes. It also includes incorporating diversity of thought, style, opinion, perspective, and experience. For all the ways we are similar, each of us is unique. Consider some examples:

• You might be able to attend a training and immediately apply something you learned with your team; others might learn better by reading books, having a mentor, or through trial and error
• You might want to constantly improve; others might be content getting a paycheck
• You might value reaching goals; others might value building relationships, being creative, or having fun
• You might like to take the ball and run with it; others might prefer to vet plans, find flaws, and take time to formulate a strategy

We all have different styles, needs, and values. However, sometimes leaders don’t recognize this and assume the worst: People are lazy. People don’t care. People aren’t motivated. And so on.

Recognize what people need and adapt

If you find yourself having these kinds of judgements, consider that others aren’t like you and might need something different. They might not trust you. You might be moving too fast. They might doubt themselves and need more encouragement. They might not agree with or see the value in what you want. Your plan might be too confusing, vague, or too much work for the result. They might want something different entirely.

Your job is to stop thinking that others just need to get with the program and find out why they’re not with the program. While it may seem easier to threaten or force them to comply, in the long run you’ll only do everyone a disservice. Instead of making assumptions, ask questions like:

• “What tools, skills, knowledge, or awareness might people need to get on board?”
• “What might be keeping people from buying in to my/the organization’s plans, ideas, or goals?”
• “What might other people want, and how can I support them?”

Don’t just ask – listen

Of course, answering these questions is just a start. Although as a leader there are many ways to engage people to support your ideas (which will also be covered in future posts), another side of leadership is considering that other people might know better than you and trust their wisdom as well. Regardless, taking time to pause and reflect when things aren’t going the way you want will give you greater insight about how to move forward.